Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
jump out the window naked night went bad
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