I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
