I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
