im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
