whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
