Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
