dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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