I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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