im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
