I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
