I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
