It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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