he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
