Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
