I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
