she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
