walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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