She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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