her vagine was all disorganized.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
