Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
