ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
