i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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