I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude. I can hear the air.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
