God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
