it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
