Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
