eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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