are you still at the devil's house?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
