I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
