I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
