its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
