I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
