I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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