On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
