But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
