I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I will be naked everywhere
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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