I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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