I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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