i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
