I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
did i just pee glitter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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