Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
