Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
