i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
