you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you never un-have a 4some
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