Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
