Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
