Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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