He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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