I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
