Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
